Living in Interesting Times
by aliencatt
Summary: The reason why Sam should thank his Lucky Stars..end season 03. Mention of Wincest.


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just a afan.

* * *

set at the end of season three

* * *

If you stopped and thought about it, if Sam's brother had been anyone other than Dean Winchester, things would have gone very differently.

A different Winchester could have considered that it was, in fact, Sam's fault that their mother was taken from him when he was four years old. It was due to his brother that life and the home he knew, were no longer a safe haven for him.

It was because of Sam, that he was dragged from town to town, from cheep rental to rental, to even worse motel rooms.

It could be realised that it was due to the small, helpless, squalling, squirming, puking, nappy filling, 'bundle of joy', that his father did not play with him anymore. His father did not laugh or even smile.

As he got older and he was moved from school to school, the times that he even went for more than a couple of weeks, it was his brother's fault that no one noticed how behind he was getting. Not that he was stupid, he was a bright little thing, but unsettled and often uninterested. Any friends he managed to make, in the short time he was there, had to be left behind. It was only as Sam started school that they tended to settle for longer stretches of time.

It was down to his brother that his Dad had become angry, and was forever leaving them with people Dean did not know, while he went away for days at a time only to return, bundle them in the car, and take them somewhere else.

A case could be made, that as he aged into double figures, it was Sam's fault that he was unable to form any kind of long term relationship with other people, as he spent all his time looking after his little brother.

Becoming a teenager this especially held true for the opposite sex. Every time he got close to a girl he liked, not only could he not be himself, having to pretend that he was not a soldier in training for combating the forces of darkness, but he would have to leave suddenly without the opportunity to say goodbye. The advent of his own mobile phone made staying in contact possible, but the tugging on the heart of a teenage boy, constantly falling in love as only a teenager can, was too much to bear.

So basically, as he grew up and hardened his heart, it was Sam's fault that his love life became a series of one night stands.

A more bitter Winchester could resent the fact that, after being responsible for the disrupted unsettled lonely life as a nomad, constantly running from the authorities and to the next possible life threatening 'nasty', that same burden left. The selfish bastard left to go to college after been responsible for him only just finishing High School. Left him to contend with a father whose favourite child had deserted him.

If he had thought his father distant and unfeeling towards him before, now he bore the blunt force of the man's disappointment. He was never good enough, could never do anything right when held up in comparison to his younger sibling.

A different Winchester would not have bothered to turn up in his brother's kitchen looking for help in the quest for a father he by turns hated, but desperately wanted to approve of him. To love him.

Another woman had died due to his brother and not only that, people were constantly put in danger because, the 'grown up' Sam constantly needed his ass pulling from one fire or another. If it was not for his brother, there would not constantly be demons on his case attacking both them and their father.

Then the 'man' his brother had become, goes and develops all these psychic 'gifts' and things really get interesting. No wonder, 'may you live in interesting times' was a curse and not a blessing.

If all that was not enough, then the younger brother decided, not only to fuck over the elder brother's entire life, but then wanted to do it literally. A different brother would have told him where to go, possibly with his fists, or just left him there and then.

A different man could argue that it was Sam's fault that their father became possessed, and he nearly had his heart torn from his chest. So it was also Sam's fault that he lost the man he so needed validation from in a deal with the demon that wanted Sam. Yes, his father made the deal so he could live, but, if it was not for Sam and Meg, and Sam and the yellow eyed demon, his life would not have needed saving, trading.

And if his brother had managed not to get abducted, needing rescuing again, and had not managed to get himself killed, he would not have had to make a deal of his own. And now, at a few minutes to midnight, he would not be able to hear the Hounds of Hell snapping at his heals.

=0=

All in all, Sam Winchester was a blessed man. He had been blessed to have been born into a family that already included a son named Dean. Blessed because Dean was the man he was, not some other type of Winchester. He was the boy who took the admonishment to, 'look after your baby brother', to heart.

He was the man who, no matter what life had thrown at, or dealt him, did not blame his brother for any of it. The man whose heart was more capable of love and sacrifice than three others combined.

Sam was blessed because his older brother loved him.

Whether it was due to the type of life they had had and still led, that they had been thrown together, spending so much time together with no one else to depend on but each other, or just that Dean felt Sam was worthy of his love, is debateable. Maybe it spoke more of the elders need to be needed than anything else.

But whatever the reason, Sam should thank his lucky stars that he had the brother he did.

Any other brother could have been content to cut him lose, once he had 'run out' on the family. Any other brother would most likely have left him dead.

If his brother had been a different kind of man, Sam would not get that lurching feeling in his belly when he looked at him with love in those clear green eyes. He would not want to place his palm against his face or to hold on to him as if he was the only thing keeping him centred, keeping him sane, keeping him human.

When he turned to him for the comfort he craved, he felt the sheltering arms holding him so close. As he gradually pushed things and kept asking for more, he was not denied, never turned away, never beaten off. Unless you counted that one time that Sam had received a black eye during sex but that had been an accident.

It was having the type of brother that he did that meant he was still alive. That love that he could feel like a palpable force surrounding him, could see every time they looked at each other. That love had caused his older brother to do for him, what had so hurt Dean when their father had done the same for his oldest beloved son.

When you think about it, Dean being the man he is, is the reason that, at a few minutes past midnight, Sam is holding his brother's shredded body tight, and his heart is breaking.

============================ end ===============================

A/N Yes, my 'Accidentally on Purpose' came from writing this story.


End file.
